if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
