I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
