i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
