I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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