seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
