By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
