Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
