well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
