Say something about gay babies.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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