Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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