he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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