I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
