Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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