The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
