We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
