end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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