After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
