"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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