It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
