I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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