My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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