you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
