Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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