I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
