please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
