if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
