well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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