so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize