Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
