I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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