Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
