Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
