Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
