One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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