Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
