I can tuck mytits in my pants
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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