Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
