i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize