I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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