Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
handjob tips. give me some.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
