smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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