I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
