He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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