I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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