So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
