Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it was like eating out sand paper
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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