Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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