Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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