Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we're making bets on your personal life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
