Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
