I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
