drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
