he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
