Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
