I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
