Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
