its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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