I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
