Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize