Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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