i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
