"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
