I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
