I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
God I need to hump something, right now.
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