2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
don't judge my taste in strippers
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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