:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
